Belonging, even in the most alienating of spaces

A lot of times, I find myself in rooms where I don't feel like I belong. I can sit here and blame the people in the room, blame the mood I'm in or even the environment itself, but I know deep down I just have this underlying belief that I don't belong anywhere. I think, as humans, we have this deep-rooted feeling that we are alone, you know, “born alone, die alone” mindset. This can lead us to feel isolated wherever we go. We walk around life feeling sick in the head, wondering why it seems like we are the only people in the world to ever feel like this. This leads us to feel disconnected, lonely. How can we find a sense of belonging amidst all our solitude? 

So of course, whenever we find ourselves anywhere, we feel awkward, and the imposter syndrome takes us over. Every word we speak, every interaction we have, gets overthought and criticised in our minds until we decide that we are just too weird and different to function in human settings. We stare at everyone talking and interacting, and just wonder how they do it. How can everyone just talk and enjoy each other's company and not feel the biggest sense of dread? The craziest thing is that they do, everyone feels this way; we just all fake it. 

Oftentimes, I think we need to remind ourselves that we are not special. Not in a self-deprecating way or “oh wah wah, you're just like everyone else.” But take it as a reminder that you are not the only one to ever feel this way, to ever experience this. You are not special or different or crazy for feeling this way because everyone you know is feeling the exact same way. We all feel misunderstood and have this angst that “nobody will ever understand us.” But I promise you that they do, even if you find that hard to believe, you aren't special, and that's a good thing.

Even though we are born alone and die alone, that doesn't mean we have to live alone. Allow yourself to see the bigger picture. Don't wallow in your solitude feeling as if nobody can understand, because more people understand than you’d think, and above all, reader, I see you, I understand you.

photograph by: Josh Kern